The Feeling

It's been a long while since I've had the urge to blog, but lately I've been feeling overwhelmed by all the goodness that's been happening in my life, I started feeling the tug slowly creeping up. I've been fighting this feeling for sometime now, but I am trying to let go of the past. My goal was to move past all this hurt, pain, and tears, but it seems that I can't. Sometimes I wish I couldn't feel so that way I can simply walk without feeling any sort of pain. Why is that once I'm in a good place, the pain comes back like a wind slapping me in the face with it's cold, brittle feeling...Oh I wish I wasn't reminded. Grasping reality, I know it's far from over and this pain I'm feeling and the feeling of the loss of losing the one person I'm slowly becoming isn't around. My backbone, she's gone. It's all bitter sweet, this, all of it.

Xmas holiday, why oh why?! I hope she doesn't forget me while in heaven. It hurts so much, I feel like punching the walls till my knuckles don't have feeling in them anymore. This whole year I was doing great, but as soon as the holidays come around, I feel the loss. Please Grammy, make me not miss you so much. God, please mend my breaking soul. It's all I ask!

The Voice

Our voice is our one and only voice. Not all the time do we get heard by the ones we want so badly to hear us. We can do only do what we can and just hope they hear us somewhere and somehow. Crazy isn't it when your eyes are opened wide, but you can't seem to see anything but the world outside. Somewhere in the stratosphere we belong...sometimes please don't cry one tear for me. I'm not afraid of what I have to say...so listen up, this is for only today.

I just saw my world flash through my eyes and I finally see. Please understand this is my life and I hope you understand. I'm not angry, but I'm just saying. Here is my chance, my second chance to make it right..for me.

There is a piece of a puzzle called life and I know my heart is aching for life to awake it again. Slowly I feel that I'm falling down once again. The ashes of another life is creeping up on me and I want to run. Everyone is pointing at me, they're damning me and no one knows what I believe. This keeps happening as the planet is closing in on me. There is no real reason to accept anything, but life is taking over and I need it to take over me. My voice is starting to fade, starting to fade as I type this out.
Come back...

Just another Day?

As I sit here listening to the sounds of the cars on the freeway, I keep wondering how can you see through me like an open door? Have I become so numb that my soul is gone, my spirit sleeping? Wake me UP! I can't wake up... I can't wake up! Help... Why? Save me from the nothing I've become. Now that I know what I am doing, my breathe is no longer strained. Wake me up, I can't wake up. Call my name, please, call my name. She knew, all this time! Leading me down this road that was nothing but a lie, she covered it with roses and beautiful scent of daisies. Broken, torn, battered, and helpless, I fell.
In the dark, the shadows I see now. You were there from the beginning, bringing me to life. But I am so tired, my fears seem to be catching up, but I want to leave. I wish I could leave, but this presence that lingers won't leave me alone. My wounds keep bleeding out, the pain is so real. Time has stopped and I cry, I scream, fighting those fears I carry. No one is holding my hand, not like she use too. The light that use to capture me is now fading. I am bound by the life you left, your face chases me while I find my ground. Too much has gone by and yet you are still in every part of my body.
I fight and fight, I held your memory for so long, why can't I let go? You have all of me, I have tried telling myself you're gone and yet you're still with me. I want to go home. I thought I had found home, but it turns out I am still in the same place I have been for years. I can't tell you why I feel this way. I just feel this everyday, all I do is keep it on the down low. Where do I belong? I want to go home! I want to find myself again, broken inside I stumble. No place to go. Finding the reasons to live, take the next breathe of air, I am scared. This sacred heart is falling into shreds. Feelings, losing my mind, I can't find my place and I am falling! Nothing to hold onto. Please, why... help... Just another day?

-Voice of the unheard girl